Valentine’s Day... bouquets of roses, boxes of chocolates, romantic cards..... Love is in the air and happiness seems to be oozing from every place you go and everywhere you look. It’s in the stores, on Facebook, televisions shows.... it’s EVERYWHERE!
All while you may be at home for days on end. Possibly feeling isolated, alone, and lonely. Watching these couples, these scenes on television, and perhaps longing for someone to look at you the way these couples gaze into each other’s eyes.
Life with a chronic illness and Valentine’s day. It can mean a day filled with loving moments, that absolutely nothing is different that day for you or it can be a day that increases your feelings of isolation and loneliness.
If you are “coupled” it may mean an intimate evening with your loved one. Whether that’s a fancy dinner, jewelry, chocolates, a movie night, or just some quality time together, it’s often a night to remember.
Or… since your illness doesn’t care that it’s Valentine’s day, it could decide to give you the flare of a lifetime. That’s the thing with chronic illnesses – they don’t discriminate. They don’t care if it’s your wedding day, your birthday, or an ordinary day. Its wrath can come at any moment.
If you are not in a relationship, Valentine’s day can take any isolation you are already feeling to new levels. You may feel even more alone than ever. It seems that all that love in the air almost becomes mocking or suffocating when you are alone. In some ways, this day of love and romance is much like our chronic illness, it can isolate us quite a bit, bringing on feeling of loneliness, possibly more than we already may be feeling.
So, what do we do?? The first thing I’ve found helpful to remember, is that it’s just a day. And like any other day, it’s what you make of it. If you know you are likely to feel bouts of loneliness and sadness on Valentine’s day, arm yourself ahead of time with a self-care kit. Splurge a bit! Treat yourself to a massage, set aside some time for meditation and really dig deep that day to reach inner peace or perhaps practice some gentle yoga to re-energize yourself a bit. Or, dedicate some extra time with a good book you have been looking forward to reading (or listening to!). Whatever are you go-to comfort items, keep them handy if you think Valentine’s day may be a particularly rough day for you. Perhaps even have these items handy if you have plans, just in case that unexpected relapse pays you an untimely visit.
And most of all, don’t forget that any love that you will find outside of your house is not as important as making sure you have self-love and that you are taking care of yourself. While Valentine’s Day has been commercialized into a day all about couples and gifts from others, don’t forget about the most important gift. The gift you can give yourself that day and every day. All the self-care, love, and attention you deserve - take the day to pamper yourself in big or small ways because if anyone deserves it, it’s you. You have come through day after day stronger and ready for the next. Take a moment and let Valentines just be all about you. Whether that’s you with your loved one or you treating yourself to a special day of self-love, special treats, and comfort items. Pamper the heck out of yourself!
Happy Valentine’s Day to you!
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