Polepole: My New Mantra

Many years ago, I summited Mount Kilimanjaro. It was the dream, the trip, of a lifetime. One of the very many memorable experiences on the ascent was having to say, “polepole,” again and again, which meant slowly (or loosely, go slower please) in Swahili. It was my way of telling the group that I needed to slow down, the (snail’s) pace we were hiking at was too rapid for me at such a high altitude. I often felt silly saying it because we were all already walking heel-to-toe at an incredibly slow pace. But still not slow enough. I was out-of-breath and could not continue at even that pace.

Polepole has similarly become a challenge for me today but ironically in a bit different way. On the mountain I would plead with my group to slow down. Now I beg myself to slow down. I only wish I listened to myself as much as the group listened to me.

I know the science, I understand the logic, I get it... But I don’t do it nearly enough. And I know how poorly I am treating my body in those moments. It’s almost as if my invisible illness has fooled me into thinking I’m not sick. Because there are times when I don’t feel very sick (a lot has just become my new norm)... times I still don’t pace.... and then comes the times I am so very sick because I didn’t pace.

Polepole, or pacing, is much harder at low altitude (i.e. home) than it was on the mountain. Yes, the pace of our hiking changed as we ascended the mountain but it was gradual and predictable. The required pacing with my illness is unpredictable. One day I’m doing pretty good with the day’s tasks and the next I’m falling behind before I’ve even gotten started.

One thing that was said to me recently was that yes, I will recover a relapse as a result of not pacing. But.... it will always leave a scar with me. I will not recover fully but rather to a bit lesser degree than I was before. Each and every time.

This hit me hard. Despite it not really being new information the phrasing of it this time hit me in just the right spot. Sometimes it seems that in life it often just takes being told the same thing a particular way before the reality of it really sinks in. And in that moment it really hit home that this is no game. I can’t keep fooling myself. I need to take this pacing thing seriously! Very seriously. This is my reality, whether I can see it, predict it, or like it.

We all have our mountains in life to climb and this is mine (and I know, many of ours). So, pace I will or I shall become my health’s worst enemy and I love myself way too much to do that. I have a lot more living, loving, and dreaming to do yet! While summiting Mount Kilimanjaro was a dream, I have so many more new ones that are still possible and exciting in new ways.

So, for today, tomorrow and the future, it's polepole for me! I hope to leverage the slower pace to enjoy even more of life’s moments that really matter.

Polepole… polepole... polepole...