Holiday Events Are Not Over Yet!
As the years have gone by with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), the cognitive impairments have grown. My brain is slower to process information and conversations. For example, it takes longer to find the right word, to remember someone’s name, and quite often to even to remember what I was just about say.
While we are past Christmas, we still have New Years ahead of us. The holidays are particularly challenging because oftentimes they entail interacting with a lot of people at once. These quicker pace interactions make my cognitive issues harder to hide. But not impossible.
One of my tricks of the trade is to resort back to what I learned during my years in college and law school. When I meet someone new, I repeatedly say their name in my head and try to align that person’s name with someone else I know with the same name. This worked well for memorizing legal concepts and for whatever reason it also increases my odds of quickly recalling someone’s name in the future.
If I’m lucky enough to remember the name of the person in front of me, then comes the conversation part of the interaction. First, I need to try to recall where we left off last. Oftentimes I prep for these conversations ahead of an event if I know who will be attending it. Of course, then I need to remember my homework! And.. there are always the surprise encounters when I must recall who someone is on- the-spot. Another trick of the trade: Become an amazing listener. I’ve always been a person that loves to learn about my friends so this comes a bit naturally to me. Now I leverage this time to let them lead the conversation, using this time to recall our last conversation and to be able to pick right up in the current one when it’s time for me to speak.
So.... I got their name, I’ve figured out where we left off.... then comes the inevitable question: “What have you been up to?” This can be awkward, especially if they have just shared their job promotion, vacation, or new fitness regimen. Sometimes all I have in my back pocket is a doctor appointment (or five), laying on the couch, and watching television. None of which makes me a riveting conversationalist. So once again I reach into my bag of tricks: It comes down to planning ahead again. I keep top of mind my last real outing, the last great movie I saw or something, anything, to carry the conversation long enough to volley it back to them.
As the evening wears on, my cognitive deficits tend to get worse. Once that happens it’s generally a quick mental slide, with a physical slide following right behind. Soon I am leaning against a wall or sitting back on a couch. Knowing this is likely to happen, I have my bag of tricks for this as well. First, I try to make my rounds early in the evening so if I need to make a quick escape, I feel like I’ve fully made an appearance. Second, instead of alcohol, I will down water like I’m a camel coming out of the desert. Water keeps me alert and a slight bit more energized. If I’m feeling fancy, I slip a little Kool-Aid in the mix. It makes for a pretty colored drink and no one is the wiser of my drink of choice (a/k/a necessity).
Eventually, the time comes in every outing that I start to fantasize about laying down, about my bed, and about the quickest way to seamlessly get there. And then I know it’s time to go and go quickly. By this time, I’ve usually made enough of an appearance and felt witty in at least some conversations. Overall, I call a night like this a success. Time for bed!
I wish I didn’t need any of these strategies but there’s a few realities here that are easy to forgot. First, so many people forget names. So, a slip-up in this area is generally easily understandable by anyone. Also, time passes, life events intercede between events… everyone can forget where they left off in conversation with a friend. And let’s be honest, even the healthiest of people often lead lives that don’t go beyond work and home for dinner and television. While we often feel the need to come up with something exciting to add to a conversation, they may be doing the exact same thing. And end of party exhaustion – healthy or not – we all get there at some point.
So, my point, let’s cut ourselves a whole lot of slack. The reality is that while we may be more aware and self-conscious about our cognitive impairments, there’s not a single person that hasn’t had any of these experiences on occasion. Outwardly we blend more than we feel we do inwardly.
Next time you feel self-conscious in these moments, remember, you’ve got this just as well as the next person!
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