The Value in Seeking Out Moments of Gratitude

Becoming sick with a chronic illness changes your life in just about every way – your relationships, your job, your day-to-day choices, etc. At times it can be hard not to let that dominate your thinking. I’ve got great news for you on this front though – it’s actually totally up to you whether or not you will let it do so.

As someone that has always been an optimistic, positive person, I found that when I became sick all of these negative, draining thoughts were distracting me from the opportunities of joy, gratitude and happiness I still very much so had in my life. So, I decided I must find some new strategies that would help me redirect my focus, knowing what once came innately to me was now going to take a bit of practice.

This again, is where the book "The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work[1] came into play for me. I know what you are thinking – why would I read a career-focused book when I am struggling to get out of bed or off the couch to simply sort through the mail, throw a load of laundry in, or let the dog out?? That’s the beauty of the book – while its title is focused on increasing success and performance at work, there’s not a single principle in it that cannot be applied to life with a chronic illness.

To highlight this, I’m going to share with you the first strategy that helped me refocus my mind away from all the thoughts swirling around in it related to my illness. I will admit that at first this strategy sounded a little cliché or “flavor of the month” to me, but I soon found I was chiding myself for my initial thoughts. This idea really works!!

How to start though…. First, I needed a little convincing so I started with the science. Generally, it’s been proven that we need three positive experiences to address a negative one. And on particularly hard days, we need to double-up and go for six. To do this, you need to train your brain to seek out the positive, because let’s face it, on a hard day, it’s not all roses. It takes sorting through a whole lot of weeds to find the blooming flowers, the lights of opportunity, and the path to happier thoughts.

I’m just going to say it – Gratitude Journal! I will admit when I read that in the book I thought I am too tired to journal and how is that really going to help me in any way (Ikes – so much negative thinking and I haven’t even gotten started yet!).

Here’s the reality though. It only takes about 5 minutes to do. If even!  So those of you with busy lives, low attention spans, or are just plain exhausted (I know that feeling well!), this is still doable.  And when I say journal, I don’t mean essays!  It can be as simple as:

· Sorted through my laundry.

· Father brought me my groceries for the week!

· Enjoyed a short call with a friend.

· Relaxed through a session of gentle yoga

To make this work, there’s a few critical keys to success. First, before you start this process, commit to doing it for 21 days. Where do I get 21 days? That’s what studies have shown it takes to form a new habit (or break a bad one!). So, make a strong, firm commitment to yourself, for yourself, to do this for 21 days. Second, put the journal in a highly visible, easily accessible place. Don’t put it away from your main circle of reach. The further away or more out-of-sight it is, the less likely you will be to do it.

Also, know out of the gate that on a tough day, finding six things to be grateful for may be a bit tough. This is the time to get creative. Don’t ponder or feel like you need a big accomplishment; simply list what pops into your mind. Remember – it all counts. Big or small. Finishing your laundry is a huge accomplishment but it simply may not be doable on a given day. Break it down – today, sort your laundry. Tomorrow wash and dry a load. Each of these can count as an entry – and most importantly a success story for the day.

Lastly, pick a prime time of day for this task. Do you want to start your day jotting down yesterday’s successes to give you a boost heading into the new day? Or, do you want to end your day on a positive note, reliving what you achieved for the day?

So, you may be thinking at this point, I’ve heard of gratitude journal before, yes, I can write these things down, but what really is the goal here?  Why am I asking you to do this?

It all sounds simple and elementary. But by doing this you are literally training your brain to seek out the positive aspects of your life. And on your hard days, instead of focusing on your pain, in your mind you will be focused on the fact that you have firmly committed to finding six positive things that you are grateful for that day. This will start causing you to look, stretch your mind some days, for what it is you are grateful for that day. And guess what – the more you look, the more you will see. It’s just that cool! And soon, this whole practice becomes easier and your day-to-day thoughts start to transform naturally. Your paper journal may soon even become a mental journal or even simply how your brain has now learned to naturally think.

Again, I will admit that a gratitude journal sounded a little “much” to me in the beginning, but it really does work. I’ve also found it quite helpful, especially on the hard days, to use it as a bit of a success story of myself, flipping through the pages of the past month. I always, always find that I have accomplished much more than I thought I had. For whatever reason, it can be quite easy to forget our successes, while our downfalls stay quite memorable. The gratitude journal, both as a daily tool and “view in the life” tool, can turn that around for you!

This, my friends, is an easy way to train your brain to work for you, not against you. As I mentioned earlier, the more you do it, the more you will naturally start seeking out and creating such moments, knowing you will be documenting your day at some point. And with that… you have begun the process of retraining your brain to focus on gratitude and the successes you have brought to your own day and even the days of others!

Try it – I think you will be surprised at the results!

[1] Achor, S. (2010). The happiness advantage: The seven principles of positive psychology that fuel success and performance at work. New York: Broadway Books.