You’re Stressing Me Out.. Or Are You?

Throughout life, we all encounter situations where people seem to really stress us out. Whether intentional or not, we often feel our blood start to boil, are hearts race, and our thoughts speed through a million ways to escape.

Once I became sick and being stressed created more of a health issue for me, my strategy simply and broadly was to distance myself from these people. It was a way for me to remove what I felt was causing me to have a negative reaction and it also simplified my life a bit. Less people to deal with!

It wasn’t long before I realized that my defense mechanism had several flaws in it for me. I quickly became lonely. I had eliminated too many people that I thought were the cause of my stress and thus were unhealthy for me to be around. I was also leaving my loved ones and friends confused as to where I had disappeared to. Many just assumed I had gotten too sick to visit with or thought that I was upset with them. And I thought I was upset with them. But what I realized was that I wasn’t. And that this was a me problem, not a them problem.

I know I have control issues and this was a perfect example of it where I got it wrong. I thought that by making these decisions I was controlling my environment and health. In reality though, I was just isolating myself and leaving a dust storm in my wake.

So how did I start to get it right? Or more often right? Trailing back many years ago, in high school my Spanish teacher asked me after a student had made me mad why I let that student have such control over my emotions. That has really stuck with me. Heck no was I going to let this person control my mood.

From that day forward I’ve tried my hardest to control my reactions and emotions, no matter the situation. Believe me, it hasn’t always been easy. Some people can really push my buttons. That teacher taught me more than Spanish that day though. He taught me that by letting these instances control me like that, I was giving away way too much power.

What I needed to do now was take my power back. While it’s a struggle, especially in some moments, I really try to be in the driver’s seat when it comes to how I react in such situations.

So, coming full circle here, when I encounter situations where people really seem to stress me out, and they are loved ones that I want, need, in my life, I consider the situation and my reaction in my control. If they are stressing me out, it’s up to me to find a coping mechanism that works to reduce my stress in those moments. Whether it’s politely stepping away, changing the subject, or sharing my feelings, I’ve found a way to adapt to these situations rather than essentially ditch the situation and the person.

Now there are still some situations or even people that may be worth reconsidering my relationships with, but by remembering that I control my reaction, I’ve been able to welcome back (with some apologies on my part) people in my life. As a result, my life is more enriched for it. I’ve also grown as a person and my coping mechanisms have become much more polished.

Let’s face it, no relationship is stress-free. And life itself isn’t stress-free. But if we can creatively reduce or eliminate our stressors in the moment, we’ve created a healthier place for ourselves. I’m still a control enthusiast, but I’m using it in a more productive way and one that is healthier for me.

And as someone with a chronic illness, anything that is healthier for me is on my “must do” list!